We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
