i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want her autograph on my taint
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
