i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
