Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
