Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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