What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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