oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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