Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
