You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
