i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
