a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize