I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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