Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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