U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
