He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
