Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
