i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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