either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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