so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
