I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
