Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
