I wish my penis had an off switch
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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