i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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