I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
