I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
