filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
