I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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