No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
