booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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