My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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