I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
