dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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