we have pet lesbian snakes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
