Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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