if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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