I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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