Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
