I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
