the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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