Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
