That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i think i just lost a toe
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
