thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
