im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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