Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
