Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm getting married
To pizza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
