these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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