i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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