whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
