Too much gin, very little bucket
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
