I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my shit smells like andre
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
