I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
