i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
