Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
