We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
