i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were trust falling into bushes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
