please come you make the beer taste better
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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