she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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