At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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