I cannot find my penis.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
