I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
