New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize