if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
