Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
