I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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